THE lack of sex in many relationships has become a comical topic. One of you has a headache, not tonight honey or did you get some on your Birthday, Christmas, Father's Day/Mother's Day or an anniversary?
While it might be a simple sarcastic comment, there is a lot of truth to it. Does sex become the replacement of a gift? Is sex only to be had on special occasions? Sure, it's all said in good humour, but there's a bigger more important issue worth addressing this holiday season - why do we have sex?
You would think it might be straight forward, because we are in the mood, attracted to someone, want to make a baby or make love to our partner. But it's the making love part that eventually seems to diminish with a chore like motivation being left behind. Or in this instance gift giving, which is only an upgrade from a chore in the sexual sense.
Is sex as a gift ever okay?
Someone is giving sex as a gift or on a special occasion, feeling it's something that should be done on that day or to make the other person happy. But what about the gift giver? Who wants to have sex with someone who feels obliged to do so? Is this how sex should really be?
In long term relationships, we should be having sex for healthier reasons. These include, to bond, to feel close to our partner, to feel in a better mood with them, to connect, to be intimate, to feel pleasure and to enjoy something together.
These are not things you achieve necessarily from giving sex as a gift or using it to celebrate. These are things that a relationship needs to thrive 365 days of the year, not just on special occasions.
Don't be too concerned about the thought of having sex 365 days' per year. It's certainly not the norm, but we perhaps we should be considering having sex on more than just our birthdays each year.
If you're feeling like sex is a chore, then it might not only be about the type of sex you are having (and if it's not pleasurable it might be time to speak up) but your attitudes towards the role of sex in your everyday life.
While I do suggest having sex this Christmas, I also suggest having sex on lots of other days, too. This is not about a gift on December 25th, but taking some time to reconnect with each other during this busy season - and sex is the best way a couple can reconnect.
Dr Nikki Goldstein is a sexologist and the author of the book #singlebutdating.
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