MY MOBILE phone burns into my tired eyes.
It's 3am and I would be asleep, if it weren't for the fact that she has not replied to my text.
Mixed thoughts run through my fatigued mind. Maybe she has no reception?
Maybe she isn't interested?
She must think I'm as ugly as a smashed pineapple.
Out of her league?
I need her to reply.
Tell me she's sorry, she was busy fighting a fire or anything.
Call it reassurance or seeking approval; the Validation Equation is a monster.
The VE monster goes like this: The amount of confidence I have is equal to the amount of approval I get in others.
It's a hungry monster.
Unhappy unless it's being fed.
VE is a turn-off to the opposite sex because it takes away my confidence, making me desperate, keeping me up at night.
Only upon her text reply does it naively translate. I can feel safe. She is interested. Then I can sleep.
I don't just take on the monster in the dating game.
I do it at work when I seek approval from my boss or when I check my likes count on my funny Facebook status.
The VE monster is always hungry and it isn't easy to kill.
Today's world encourages a constant need for instant validation.
We are always checking our Facebook, buying the latest iPhone or reading online what's cool "now".
All so we can feel secure in ourselves that we are who we want to be.
The popular guy in the classroom of life or in my case; the guy she is looking for.
It's not easy seeking validation in oneself but it's the only true killer of the monster.
I don't always win the battle but it helps me to know that the next time I'm waiting up late for her reply, all I'm doing is feeding the VE monster and it is never satisfied.
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