The problem with my kids is they're like me
FOLKS, tomorrow is Father's Day, and judging from the over-the-top 'blokey' ads on TV during the past few weeks, Aussie dads appear to be raging rev-heads, footy fans, four-wheel-drive enthusiasts, fishing fanatics and barbecue buffs who drool over power tools.
Which means, judging from the gifts my children have tossed at me over the past couple of years, I don't seem to fit the typical Oz dad profile.
This may explain why I have not seen anyone else sporting an official Dad's Army t-shirt while playing a ukulele?
But this year I have decided that I do not need any more stuff to use, clean, store or display.
There is more than enough hand-made cards, photo frames, mugs, Dad's Army DVDs and ukulele strings cluttering my cupboards, so this Father's Day I have asked our children to pop by and take items out of my house instead.
Notably, all the things of theirs they don't want to throw out, but don't want in their own homes.
When I explained my cunning plan to the girls, one of the little bats laughed and said, "Dad, you sound just like grandad!"
This startling revelation stopped me mid-rant and, once I got over the shock, I mentally cut her name out of the will.
But since then, I have noticed some of dad's favourite phrases popping out of my own mouth, such as: "Who left these lights on?", along with the classics, "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you," and "Ask your mother".
Also, whenever I spot one of them grazing with the fridge door wide open, "So, why are we air-conditioning the street?"
Not that the little sods actually listen to me.
That's something else I have got in common with my father; his kids never listened to him either.
In fact, I still don't, especially whenever he hounds me to come over and get my stuff out of his shed.
Still, he takes some revenge in the form of lame dad jokes, which I immediately share with my own children.
And that's why Father's Day will never be the smash hit celebration round here that Mother's Day is.