Having an affair isn't being true to yourself

Q: I am having an affair with a married man whose wife is pregnant.

When I am around him, I can't keep my hands off of him.

When he is away, I become filled with jealousy that he is with his wife, and preparing to start a family with her.

And then the guilt hits home and I swear I will break it off with him.

And then the next time we are together I can't bring myself to leave him.

I don't want to be a home-wrecker, so how can I get myself out of this mess?

A: If your underlying desire to not be a "home-wrecker" is genuine, then you need to take a deep breath, gather your strength and leave this man.

He is married. He may not have a problem cheating on his pregnant wife, but your emotional turmoil indicates that at least, to some degree, you do.

Listen to your desire and intent to leave him.

Take a moment and be really honest with yourself.

The lust you feel when you are around him is not as important as staying true to yourself and your values.

You deserve a full-time partner, not borrowed time with someone else's husband.

Does anyone know you are seeing this man?

A trusted friend you can lean on?

You need a support network to help you stick to your decision to leave him, because clearly you can't do it on your own.

Temptation to gravitate towards what feels good, and to people you are attracted to is very normal.

But when that feel good scenario is actually bad for you, or holding you back from a better life you deserve, it's time to call in the support troops in your life.

Make an exit strategy to leave this man and then enlist at least one other person to help you follow through.

Tell him you're leaving and that you truly mean it; that being together isn't what's best for either of you.

Don't concern yourself about whether he is going to stay with his pregnant wife or stray again.

Your focus should remain on what's best for you.

Just as if you were going to "quit" anything, make a plan and perhaps even write out your motivations.

How will you and your life benefit from moving on from this go nowhere relationship you're currently half in?

What kind of relationship does your heart really desire?

With the help of your support network, pre-plan some activities that take you out of your established routine so that you don't have a chance to mope and so you don't accidentally run into him. Avoid temptation.

Go embrace a new activity or be in a new place for a little while, avoid same routines, block him from your social media, delete his phone number and literally give yourself a break from him.

Only once you have space from him and establish a new you, will you have the strength to keep looking forward and not look back.

Don't think about him - he has a life, for better or for worse.

Go seek the life and love you genuinely deserve. You can do it and you know you want to.

Topics:  advice dating editors picks relationships sex

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