UBER TROOPERS: Sorting out the party house while local police, council and rangers are still wondering whether they even have the statutory power any more to ask for a bit of shoosh.
UBER TROOPERS: Sorting out the party house while local police, council and rangers are still wondering whether they even have the statutory power any more to ask for a bit of shoosh. Christian Morrow

Prepare to get royally Uber-ed

HERE at the Byron Shire News, we pride ourselves on world's best practice bandwagon-jumping-on.

Finally the State Government has opened the floodgates on short term holiday letters. So after months of my weepy- soft-leftie hand-wringing over the perils of the sharing economy - you know the wholesale turning over of Byron Shire's housing stocks to shadowy online super host enablers and the subsequent hollowing out of our community and the onslaught of 2.5million visitors who make an in- adequate contribution such that we won't be able to pay for the necessary infra- structure to wipe our own bottoms - I have decided to harden the BnB up and launch my new suite of sharing platforms, Uber-life.

It's a complete nose-to- tail, cradle-to- grave app system where every aspect of our existence can be right royally Uber-ed.

Say you need some chemotherapy or lifesaving lip filler injections. Why use an expensive doctor and pay for all their fancy tertiary training, accreditation and registration when you can click on my Uber-quack app and I can have an almost qualified aromatherapist, who has watched the finest of YouTube video tutorials, on your doorstep in 30 minutes to carry out the super cost effective procedure?

Say you have a particularly nasty property dispute going on with neighbours whose house has suddenly become filled with a constant parade of hard partying thirty-somethings, a regular 24/7 Kanye and cocaine free for all.

Just tap on my handy new Uber-troopers app and I can have a crack squad of slightly PTSD affected ex-private military contractors from Iraq on your neighbour's doorstep to sort that shit out while local police, council and rangers are still wondering whether they even have the statutory power any more to ask for a bit of shoosh.

There's no blow back either - all my Uber-life operatives are guaranteed off grid and untraceable and I am just an ever so humble disruptor providing a digital platform that enables fellow disruptors to help society pull itself to pieces and reassemble itself into something much more profitable... for me.


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