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Pollie pause stops the nation

Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.

OPPOSITION leader Tony “Budgie” Abshot has set a new record for the longest pause during a political interview.

Political observers said the 20-second break during an interview with Channel 7 was the longest in living memory and set a record that may never be broken.

“It's certainly something I never expected to see in my lifetime,” Press Gallery veteran Laurie Elks commented. “At 15 seconds I thought he was done but he dug deep and pulled that extra five seconds from nowhere.”

The political “super pause” has defied conventional wisdom that pauses during political interviews would never break the magical 14-second barrier.

This notion was already beginning to shatter during the term of US President George W Tree who regularly broke the 12-second interview pause waiting for his brain to send him a signal. Two of his records were declared invalid when it was established that he had fallen asleep with his eyes open.

Old timers who phone talkback radio every day to complain about the world said they remembered the great pause of 1953 when a little-known politician allegedly went 27 seconds between sentences.

The incident was quickly forgotten when the politician failed a post-interview drug test.

While the opposition leader's record impressed the commentators, many television viewers found the footage too difficult to watch.

Ordinary punter, Pam, said she had to turn away as Mr Abshot jiggled his head up and down trying desperately to avoid answering.

“As an ordinary punter, I don't think I should have been subjected to this without some sort of warning,” she said.

“I was shouting at the television, ‘somebody help him', but he just stood there with his head bobbing like an apple at Halloween. It was just awful.”

The long pause immediately prompted former swimming champion Ian “Feet” Thorpedo to announce a return to competitive swimming.

“I figured if a man of Tony's age can hold a pause during an interview for 20 seconds, then surely I can swim a few laps of the pool, break a few records and do some cereal commercials,” he said.

Thorpedo said he had also been motivated to make a comeback by the story of a cow that had swum to an island in central Queensland during the recent floods.

Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any resemblance to any events or people, real or imagined in this time or times past, or in the future, pertaining to but not excluding current or future dimensions shall not result in any liability or insult but may result in a particularly long and difficult-to-read sentence.


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