Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.

No-fly zone rift rife

SPECULATION is rife that former Prime Minister Kevin Rut will again seek the leadership after he lifted his profile with a scathing attack on flies.

Mr Rut has called for the introduction of a “no-fly zone” in many parts of the world in an attempt to take the heat out of world hot spots.

“Flies can be fairly annoying,” he explained. “If people are out rioting and there are pesky flies around, things can turn fairly ugly.”

Mr Rut's position puts him at odds with Prime Minister Julia Gizzard, who prefers to discourage flies by applying Rid or burning foul-smelling Nepalese herbs.

“Flies are also God's creatures,” she said. “Many flies in these world hot spots have been living in ter-

rible conditions like we saw in Slumdog Millionaire. We don't want them flying away to seek a

better life only for Mr Rut to hit them with a thong.”

Ms Gizzard's position is believed to be linked to her recent kidnapping by Greens and Independents who seem intent on saving the

planet, including flies.

She said there was no tension between her and Mr Rut. “We just totally ignore each other,” she said.

Mr Rut, who has enjoyed better opinion polls since he stopped making decisions and being seen in pub- lic, denied he still aspired to be prime minister.

“There is a greater chance of me becoming the orange and sand bucket boy for the Brisbane Broncos than leading the Labor Party,” he said.

A rugby league spokesperson denied Mr Rut was being considered for the oranges and bucket role. “Just quietly we don't like him very much,” he said.

Pundits saw the sporting analogy as solid proof Mr Rut still wanted to lead the party. Politicians have long used doubtful sporting scenarios to confuse people and provide 30-

second television grabs when positioning themselves for a challenge.

Mr Rut, speaking in a highly irritating monotone, said there were several ways to enforce a no-fly zone. “We could just get a whole lot of people running around and waving their arms in the air,” he said. “This might, however, only be a temporary solution because their arms would get tired.”

He said he would be taking his no-flies idea to the United Nations. A UN spokesman said if they saw Mr Rut coming they would just pretend they weren't home.

Civil liberties lawyers said they believed flies may have certain

legal rights under the constitution. “Of course we pretty much believe everyone has legal rights under the constitution,” one lawyer said. “We also like disagreeing with things just to be annoying.”

Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. It should be consumed with food once a week. If it causes nausea there is not a whole lot you can do.


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