INTERNAL government documents reveal Federal Attorney-General George Brandis has been basing surveillance and policing policy on the saucy 50 Shades of Grey novel.
Sources close to Mr Brandis claim he mistakenly took the book, instead of his briefing folio, and nobody has been willing to point it out.
"The whole metadata-retention scheme came from a minister's love of Christian Grey," said the source.
"We're all happy that he's finally found a character he can identify with."
In an interview with Frisky Business reporter Jenn Dakuir, Mr Brandis explained his role in the metadata and surveillance policy.
"I'm an attorney-general," Mr Brandis said.
"It means I want you to willingly surrender yourself to me, in all things."
Are you going to see 50 Shades of Grey?
This poll ended on 20 February 2015.
Yes. Can't wait
No. I'd rather watch paint dry
If my husband lets me
Only if my girlfriend drags me along
This is not a scientific poll. The results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate.
When asked to clarify why the Australian public would want to do that, he replied "to please me".
"Australia is very large and has no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone - remember?"
The Attorney-General's office also has come under fire after the original policy drafts were leaked on an erotic fan fiction website by an anonymous user known as "MrGeneral".
Additions to the metadata-retention scheme made it illegal to discuss the Liberal Party leadership spill.
"We're yet to decide if our problem is too little leadership or too much," said one government whip (no, not that kind of whip...).
The Guinness Book of Records has made a new entry after last week's spill resulted in 100 politicians giving a straight answer to a yes or no question.
Could the owner of a white sheep, license plate somehow attached to it, please refrain from parking it in the sports club loading zone.
Frisky Business is a satire column. It is not real. Any resemblance to real attorneys-general is coincidental and truly unfortunate.
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