Come on Australia, make a noise for Mitchell Johnson
IT WOULD work you know - and strike fear into the hearts of the already ailing Poms ... MIIIT-CHOOL!
Try it yourself. Nice and slow.
It's the one thing that's missing from this Ashes series - a baying accompaniment to some finely orchestrated chin music.
Now I'm no cricket afficianado but I remember those magical days of D. K. Lillee storming in - hair flowing, chain bouncing - to deliver another missile, with the crowd bellowing his name.
And golden days they were ... my heart still quickens at the thought of it.
But my kids, and their kids, may never know that raw beauty if we don't do something now.
Honestly, it's urgent.
Frankly I'm appalled that Aussies have not yet taken up the Mitchell Johnson cry.
Here he is - fast, furious and sporting a killer mo - what are we waiting for?
And then there's the stare. It's an artform, a beautiful moment in a beautiful game. Of course he could do with a few inches on his hair, and a chain around the neck wouldn't go astray, but we mustn't be greedy, must we?
I'm guessing the West Australian crowd won't take up the call. They're lovely distant neighbours but a bit too quiet for my liking.
So far all they've delivered is a rhythmic clap and a few whistles as the big fella stormed in - ho hum.
And even then Michael Clarke had to rev them up.
No, it's up to Melbourne and Sydney.
Melbourne could well do it ... post Christmas, a couple of ales or three ... who knows what those crazy southerners could produce?
Think about it - a hundred thousand people yelling MIIII-CHOOL!
Of course it may lack the finesse of the Barmy Army but it's all we've got, you know, being convict stock and all.
And if Melbourne delivers, imagine the pressure on Sydney to outdo them ...
Oh-oh ... there goes my heart again ... MIIII-CHOOL!!
* John Parker is the APN Group Online News Editor