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Bach clinger’s moment shocks Australia

IT HAS taken months of persistent lurking, but The Bachelor's clinger has finally secured her moment of happiness and possibly changed the course of the competition - all while wearing a racy bikini.

It was shockingly unexpected. Like finding a needle in your strawberry.

With one pity date, Cass - the girl with the internet hair extensions who we'd written off in the first episode as a stalker - may have just become a frontrunner in this fine competition. She could very easily Jarrod herself all the way through to the finale. Will her journey end the same way as that tall, pink man? Possibly. But tonight we live in the present.

It's a big day for clingers like Cass and I around the globe. Cass has been waiting a long time for this single date.

"I can't breathe," she gasps out of joy, but also for life.

She puts on her finest denim mini skirt and sets off down the street as the warm afternoon light flickers through the arching branches of fig trees. The distinct scent of jasmine is in the air. It takes her back to the summer she met Nick at Fitness First Manly, lurking behind him at spin class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoon before lurking beside the Gatorade fridge and waiting for him to exit the change rooms. She'd listen to that Liz Phair song Why Can't I on repeat and drown in the glorious ache of longing. That rush of a crush is unforgettable.

While other girls get Ferraris to wineries and speed boats whipping across Sydney Harbour on their dates, Cass gets the 724 bus to the western suburbs.

Halfway through the voyage, they have to make a pit stop at a 7-11 because galfriend gets thurrrrsty.

"Physically, I think he's amazing. I love his curly hair, I love his eyes. He obviously has the best body," she drools to us.

Nick's nervous. But not in the way he gets with other girls on dates. For this date, he's walking a fine line - he doesn't want to lead Cass on, but he wants to give her the same time and affection he's shown to the others.

"You've been very patient," he says.

"Yeah … I have … I have," Cass whispers.

"By the end, we'll see how we're feeling about it," Nick adds, making it clear she shouldn't expect too much.

He then forcefully slides his body across the vinyl back seat of the bus and slams Cass against the side window. "Corners!" he yells.

The relationship Cass and Nick share is complex and vague. We know it has been months-long, reaching back to a time well before The Bachelor mansion. But where exactly it begins and ends is unknown - perhaps even to them. Here's an accurate graph depicting the timeline of their romance.

 

 

Thanks Microsoft Excel.
Thanks Microsoft Excel.

It's unclear whether Cass has been given too much or too little time to think about this date. When they're informed to get into their swimmers for some waterslide action, Cass unveils a bikini so racy it seems like the kind you can only buy on the internet.

Yowza.
Yowza.

 

There's a lot to observe about this bikini.

Firstly, it's immediately evident Cass is up-to-date on her IPL appointments. Secondly, she looks effortlessly amazing. But we also can't help but predict the truly frightening dangers of wearing such a garment while being water-blasted down a kilometre-long fibreglass tube.

"If we die, at least we die together," Cass whispers before putting her life and bikini bottoms in the hands of an inflatable doughnut.

The only thing more confronting that seeing Cass rip down the Tropical Cyclone while wearing a thong-back bikini is witnessing the moment the novelty water attraction exposes her hair extension clip.

Eep.
Eep.

A bunch of kids are kicked out of the overly-chlorinated wading pool so Cass and Nick can submerge some outdoor furniture in it and eat cheese.

Cass tells Nick she blames herself for not pursuing him harder in the outside world. But today has confirmed everything.

"You make me so happy. And after today, my feelings have grown even more," she gushes.

Suddenly her tone changes. There's something on her mind and she wants an answer.

"And … I just had one question … I feel like … obviously I feel strongly about you," she stumbles. "But I guess every time I walk away from our conversations and stuff … I don't know how you feel. Do you have feelings ... for me?"

Nick's always taken aback by Cass' directness. He never knows how to respond, and tonight is no different.

"To be honest, I actually find it difficult ummm … to show … a lot of feelings and emotions in this environment. You've got a glow. A glow about you. It's a beautiful thing. You don't want any harm … you wouldn't hurt a fly. You're a really nice girl."

Cass rubs her face on Nick like a kitty.

Meow.
Meow.

"When it comes to feelings … there's definitely feelings that … there's a connection there for sure," he adds, but with lots of upwards inflections.

Cass doesn't care how unsure Nick sounds. She'll accept those words and cherish each of them.

She's waiting for a kiss. It's what she has been dreaming of since last summer. In this wading pool at the family amusement park, the smell of jasmine begins to cloud her mind - though it might just be the chlorine fumes playing with her head.

Nick's not going to kiss her. It's sad, but we live for the heartbreak. Cass slowly comes to terms with the possibility she'll be going home cold, damp and wedgied. She stares down at the water and listens to the calming whirl of the nearby rapid wave machine. But the tides suddenly change.

Nick lifts Cass's chin with his forefinger and thumb and turns her head to lock eyes. In his other hand is a rose. That Liz Phair song begins to play in her head again. And then - after two awkward seconds of trying to figure out whose head goes in what angle - they kiss.

His lips taste exactly as Cass imagined - a mix of saltiness and Vanilla Carmex. It's everything she has been dreaming of.

Everyone wants to make out to that Liz Phair song.
Everyone wants to make out to that Liz Phair song.

Was it the racy bikini? Maybe the imagined smell of jasmine. Either way, the course of this esteemed series has been altered in a way we didn't predict.

Cass is elated. Joyous. All those warm summer nights laying on her bed staring at the ceiling and dreaming about Nick weren't for nothing. It has all been leading to this.

Still, it brings a new challenge. The stakes are higher. Cass's feelings are more complicated than ever before. She has everything to lose.

"It's a scary thing we're in," she says, but Nick doesn't hear over the terrifying gush from the nearby Typhoon Tantrum ride.

It gets to the end of the evening and we almost miss the rose ceremony, where Nick decides to dump Jamie-Lee and her moon boot. We're so rushed Cass doesn't even have time to shower so she has to wear her wet racy bikini as underwear under her gown.

She doesn't care though. A kiss from Nick outweighs chafe.

For more observations on chafe and an exclusive interview with Jamie-Lee's moon boot, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir

Swipe on, swipe off, m’am.
Swipe on, swipe off, m’am.

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