The rules of dating when over 40

WHEN you are in your 20s, "hooking up" as they call it, is easy.

You like someone. You go out on a date with them. You sleep with them if you feel like it. Oh, just me? Okay. But, seriously, sex and relationships aren't that complicated, STDs aside.

Over 40, however, a whole different set of rules come into play.

There's ex-partners, children, work commitments, mortgages and this other thing called fear of commitment - derived from all of the previous unmentionables.

That's when even something as simple as arranging a date assumes the proportion of climate change negotiations.

While once a man may have said, hey, let's have a drink, now he says: "What are you doing Friday week when my ex has the kids and I'm not working late?" Romantic, isn't it?

Should these negotiations be successfully completed, you then have to make it past the drink, where various parties will feel out each other's political leanings, views on prenuptial agreements, exact commitment to child rearing and current financial or employment status before anything can progress much further.

All of this is the reason men of a certain age don't really ask women out and have to be hogtied into a date or dinner, and why Nature has arranged for us to be most fertile in our 20s.

If God waited until we were in our 40s, the world population would fall rapidly as too-busy adults attempted to co-ordinate romantic schedules.

It's a sad truth that, once life and commitments intervene, we often lose our sense of playfulness, along with our libido. We're too tired to be sensual, sexy or fully engaged. Yes, romance is pretty far down the list of things we must tick off day to day. 

But back to the challenge of how to get two mature age adults together in the first place.

I think treating the whole thing like a happy accident is probably advised. You just happen to run into him at the sports club, or the pub, where he's a bit more of a static target. He never knows what's hit him and he certainly doesn't have time to consult his diary.

As for wooing the over-40s female, usefulness is the best attack. Can you fix anything? Do you like children or pets and are you prepared to mind them? Are you able to move, deliver, arrange anything she can't? Single women may be self-sufficient but they long for someone to lend a hand occasionally and that hand might as well be yours.


Bluesman Lloyd Spiegel takes the backroads to our stages

Bluesman Lloyd Spiegel takes the backroads to our stages

Musician will bring his latest album next month

It takes a village to raise a family

It takes a village to raise a family

Seminar to help with raining families

Celebrating a legend with a special vision

Celebrating a legend with a special vision

Heavy metal at local gallery

Local Partners