DON Gorske celebrated a unique achievement on Wednesday when he consumed his 25,000th Big Mac.
He can be sure of the number because he is so obsessed by Big Macs he has kept all his receipts, plus 10,000 Big Mac cartons and the calendars dating back to May 17, 1972, when he enjoyed his first.
The prison guard from Wisconsin usually eats two a day and keeps two in his luggage in case he can't find a McDonald's when he travels.
At 57, and with a cholesterol level much lower than the average for men of his age, he's just been given a clean bill of health.
In fact, until he went to the doctor for a check-up last month, he'd not had a day's illness since his job-application medical in 1985.
"I eat what I need to survive," he says, revealing his new ambition is to get to 40,000 Big Macs. At the present rate of consumption he will be 86 when he achieves it.
Staying in America, the $100 million fortune of a timber-and-iron tycoon who died 92 years ago is finally to be divided between his descendants.
When Wellington Burt died in 1919 at the age of 87 in Saginaw, Michigan, his will stated that the majority of his fortune should not be distributed until 21 years after the death of his last surviving grandchild.
The unusual order by an eccentric but very rich man is thought to have been a response to some bitter family feuding.
A total of 12 heirs, aged between 19 and 94 will get payments of up to $16 million later this month.
While we're on the subject of slow, it is good to report that Lloyd Scott finished the London Marathon last week - 26 days after it started.
Lloyd, who was dressed as Brian the Snail from The Magic Roundabout, averaged a mile a day as he crawled face-down on a sled.
The 49-year-old hauled his elaborate outfit across broken glass, nails and dog dirt and, at one point, was rushed to hospital to have blood vessels in his nose cauterised.
He fell ill because he could not digest food properly in his prone position.
But he carried on, at a snail's pace, to raise money for children's charities and to raise awareness of children with restricted mobility.
So far this champion of dawdling has raised $7.5 million for charities after once completing the marathon in an antique diving suit and walking a marathon distance under water - on the bed of Loch Ness.
Finally, a warning for all you amateur gardeners out there tempted to give nature a bit of a helping hand.
Liu Mingsuo, a farmer from the province of Jiangsu in eastern China, thought his house had come under artillery attack when he was woken from his slumbers by a series of blasts.
It turns out his watermelons, which he had sprayed with a growth accelerator called forchlorfenuron, were growing with such force they were exploding.
It's the latest foodie scandal to strike China, where the government is struggling to contain unrest about melamine-tainted milk, toxic bean sprouts, steroid-laced pork and meat that glows in the dark.
So next time you buy a less-than-perfectly-formed Australian-grown food item, be grateful that it won't explode on the way home.
Alternative Universe is a humour column by Adrian Taylor.
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