Free pass to the dog house
Mars is Zane Jackson
Heard of a free pass? It works like this:
Firstly, you have to be in a committed relationship.
Your 'free pass' is the ultimate person you would like to, um, spend some quality one-on-one time with, all with your partner's blessing.
The aim is you choose someone so far out of your league and unrealistic that your partner at the time doesn't mind you having a crush on said person, and vice versa.
So in theory the bloke chooses a hot actress or stunning supermodel, while his girlfriend or wife chooses some good looking stud with a six-pack.
But there's a problem.
When a group of us friends were sharing our free pass choices my wife's picks shocked me.
Why? Because they weren't unattainable enough.
My picks were definitely not within the realms of possibility.
Katy Perry is a world famous pop star and Lily Serna, a host on SBS's Letters and Numbers, wouldn't look twice at a face like mine.
No, my wife's choices were two famous Aussies. One was an actor and the other a realty TV star.
I mean, come on - reality TV stars have a shorter shelf life than a sitting state Labor Government. There's every possibility that when this bloke's fame winds up, he'll be just an ordinary bloke on the street.
So choose wisely, ladies, when picking your free passes.
Venus is Fallon Hudson
I think you have a problem when you create a blog spot on the internet devoted to the history of your celebrity crushes.
Time to get a grip on reality.
I wouldn't be surprised if the woman who craeted the site isn't in a committed relationship but is one step away to being committed, if you know what I mean.
Her list included: Han Solo, John Stamos, James Dean, Mickey Rourke and, wait for it, Chevy Chase and Bil Murray.
I totally get James Dean and John Stamos, but when it comes to a free pass, you can't waste it.
When it comes to my free pass, like a Genie in a Bottle, I'd like the option of three, which would be Hugh Jackman, Leo Dicaprio and the guy who never goes out of style, Johnny Depp.
I know that not in a million years would I ever meet any of these blokes and if I did happen to run into Hugh Jackman in the street, I think I would lose it, turn red and walk away.
And if I did try to speak to him, I would end up saying something lame like, "I love Lipton ice tea" and try to dance in the street with him.
For me it is one thing to discuss with your friends, even your boyfriend or girlfriend, your celebrity crushes, but it is quite another to have framed photos of them in your home or worse, have superimposed your head on a photo of Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt.
Who's your free pass? Leave your confession in the comments section below.