THIS is a warning and a clarion call to defend our Byron Bay bitumen against Elysium.
For those lulled into a false sense of security by the crooked arts media, the ELYSIUM Art Mafia are transforming our picturesque Lateen Lane in Byron Bay by installing public art.
I don't know much about art but I do know what I don't like and this Elysium thing is stirring up a row of biblical proportions on social media and it is time the alarm was raised.
A tribe of local, national and international Artsey types have appeared in this holiest of holies and are attempting to destroy the very fabric of our society by, among other abominations, painting stripes on this beloved service lane.
As well as being an affront to common decency and good taste this goes against one of the lesser known of the commandments.
"Thou shalt not defile even one cubit of god's asphalt nor render thine temple walls with any image lest the avenging angels of the Book of Face slander thine name unto the heavens ad-nauseum."
So we must rally to save our endangered local drabness- because painting multiple stripes on a bitumen road is against nature.
Delivery trucks will stop delivering, cars will spin out of control and pedestrians will suffer spontaneous attacks of vertigo.
And the scenario gets even darker as any one of us could be walking along minding our very own tidy business and take a wrong turn and before we know it we could find ourselves trapped in that alley way of chaos.
We could find ourselves forced, against our will, to look at roads and road markings (or our entire existence) in a different way.
We may even begin to lose faith in the ability of a well maintained bitumen road to deliver inner happiness, peace and civic pride.
In a panic we may avert our gaze but there on the walls are the insane scrawlings of those Artsey types.
Some of these scrawlings consist of bold colours and non representational images. Oh the humanity!
Children may inadvertently be exposed to this anarchy and before you know it they may have caught Art.
Then its only a matter of time before our tender offspring start dabbling in abstraction which we all know is just a gateway drug to hard core post modernism.
But the most sinister aspect of the plot is that this stripey roadway perversion may lure strangers to our town.
Those foreigners with their fancy iPhones and pockets stuffed with cash taking endless selfies and looking for somewhere to buy breakfast, lunch, dinner, clothing, petrol, groceries, entertainment and a place to sleep.
Finally there is the reputational damage. We will be forever branded as the region that looks and feels completely different to any other place on the planet.
So I am calling out to all the friends of asphalt. We must rally to save our drabness.
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