EDITORIAL: Spinning the roulette wheel of politics for fun, fame and profit
THANKS to the gambling industry, I finally understand the world of modern politics and life in general.
I used to think the world was full of a bunch of stuff, some good and some bad, that came at you in no particular order and the best thing to do was work hard, try to be prepared, be honest and do your best.
But thanks to the avalanche of gambling advertisements that hit me (and any nearby children) when I try to watch a sporting event on television, I now understand the world is actually a giant spinning three-dimensional roulette wheel.
And finally I understand the important lessons that Donald Trump can teach us all.
Number one, of course, is that there are only two types of people in this world, winners and losers, and the most important thing to do is win at any cost.
The other important Trump truth is that the US election is being stolen from this well-meaning billionaire.
So when Donald is confronted with 11 women who claim he sexually assaulted them, or that he hasn't paid his taxes, he simply doubles down in the locker room, calls the women liars and claims Hillary is on drugs.
By the time a confused electorate has finished scratching its head, Donald is already on board his private jet counting his winnings.
In Aleppo, Vladimir Putin and Bashar al-Assad have taken a page out of the Donald playbook.
As the world pleads for mercy, those two winners up the ante by bombing some hospitals, burying some children alive and killing as many doctors as they can.
And while the UN stands by wringing its hands, Vlad has "Made Russia Great Again” and is back in the Ukraine planning where he will build his new summer dacha.
Closer to home, George Brandis has rolled the dice on the Australian legal system after being caught out trying to limit access to the Solicitor-General.
Instead of admitting the mistake, George doubled down on the hapless public servant until he resigned and before we knew it George was back in his Commonwealth car chucking doughnuts out the front of Gillian Triggs' house.
Finally on this Melbourne Cup Eve, I know what you anti-gamblers are thinking. Why don't we fight fire with fire and double down on the gambling industry?
Why don't we act like winners. Get the ads banned from TV, chuck the pokies out of the pub and get some live bands back, re-introduce the greyhound ban and have a closer look at horse racing.
But in a country where an estimated 9% of revenue comes from gambling, best of luck with that.
Remember, never bet against the house.