EDITORIAL: Shopping agnostics must strike locally
THE world is a dangerous place, often fractured along gender, ethnic, religious or economic lines.
But there are really only two types of people in this world. Those who like shopping and those of us who do not.
I am on of the latter – a shopping agnostic.
Any time spent visiting multiple retail outlets browsing, trying on or standing in front of a mirror with my head tilted to the side is time wasted when I could be sitting in a cafe with a long black staring into space wondering if there will ever be anything worth watching on free-to-air TV again.
I like my shopping to be organised like tactical military strike. Think Zero Dark 30 except for clothing or groceries.
There needs to be a clearly defined target of just one shop, strike at dawn with plenty of sales staff available. Then get in and out on a strictly defined time line.
I like to give my rare shopping trips names to underline their urgency to other members of my retinue.
For example: Operation Enduring Shoe Purchase. Family can even sign up to the Dad’s New Jeans Hit Squad or my Weekly Shop Strike Force.
It also helps to know the lie of the land, to know where the enemy is lurking and keep them under surveillance beforehand.
So I like to strike locally where I know the best angle of attack and, most importantly, if it all goes pear-shaped and the jeans and T-shirt combo don’t make me look like one of the Hemsworths, I know the escape routes, or at least where the husband* chair is at.
So fellow shopping agnostics, if you have to shop, strike locally.
- Don’t pretend you don’t know what a husband chair is.