EDITORIAL: Keeping Straya fully Strayan
JUST back from back to back Easter and Anzac weekends and I'm dead set over the moon at the news that just when I thought Straya couldn't get any more Strayan, Pete and Mal have raised the bar.
They emerged from the parliamentary shed last week with their jaws firmly set to announce an idea that wasn't Pauline's or George's or Corey's or Tony's, but was a 100% Strayan idea that would make sure that from now until we run out of IT experts or spin bowlers, only the most Strayan blokes imaginable would get into Straya.
There were some university types in the meeja that went mad from too much political correctness straight away asking how we would know a person was Strayan enough.
We all had a good old laugh and a nod and a wink to each other coz we all know that if you don't know what Strayan values are already you should bugger off cause we're full...of admiration for Straya.
But in the interests of fairness (a legend of a Strayan value right there) Mal and Pete have devised a test.
I got my hands on a few sample questions, so whistle up your dog and have a gander.
1. Complete the following sentence: Aussie, Aussie, Aussie...
a. Where the skies are so blue.
b. Allahu akbar
c. No way , get f!@cked, f!@k off.
d. Oi, Oi, Oi.
2. If you are pulled over by the cops you have to show them your...
a. Driver's licence and rego.
b. Your Kalashnikov
c. Not your stash.
d. How fast you can drive through a school zone
3. What is the best way of making Straya even more legendary?
a. Negatively gear your investment property.
b. Strengthen our civil society by making Australia more inclusive.
c. Get more likes on Facebook.
d. Use more coal.
4. Explain the significance of the number 99.94.
a. The speed you should drive in an 80 zone.
b. Don Bradman's test average.
c. Percentage chance Peter Dutton will be prime minister at the next election.
d. Number of cans of Bundy and Cola consumed by your average Srayan at a B&S Ball.
5. Explain the separation of powers.
a. Footy players must move back 10 metres at the play of the ball.
b. Government is divided into three separate branches - the legislature makes the laws, the executive puts the laws into operation and the judiciary interprets the laws.
c. Super heroes only get one super power each.
d. Nuclear super powers are usually separated by a bunch of poor loser countries with vast natural resources.
You can see straight away how the test will subtly sort the Strayans from the Unna-Strayans.
And remember there are no wrong answers, just Unna-Strayan ones.