Mormon faith offers Big Love without the booze
I'VE become interested in the Mormon faith recently, especially the embracing of polygamy.
Now don't get all flustered, I'm not about to give my husband blessing to take on another wife or two. It's just that I've been watching an addictive television drama called Big Love.
It features Utah polygamist Bill Henrickson who has three wives and eight children.
It goes through the myriad trials, obstacles and dilemmas you'd expect when a bloke must look after the financial, emotional and sexual needs of three women.
As the series progressed, we went from dark looks across the dining table to sneaky eavesdropping outside bedroom doors.
Things got especially jolly with the placement of rattlesnakes into Bill's bed and then became really lively with some attempted poisoning, a spot of strangling, a botched suffocation and finally the murdering of the "prophet" and the storing of his body in the deep freeze.
As I watched back-to-back episodes, I realised something was missing among all this plotting, scheming, murder and mayhem.
There was no drinking. Or swearing.
As the characters sat at the dinner table each night drinking water and plotting another round of poisoning, one of them would say: "what the fudge?" or "holy H" or "I don't give a fig".
When the chief wife, admonished the third wife, for some misdemeanour, she said: "You'd better tell Bill before he finds out and the sugar hits the fan," I thought I'd heard it all.
But no, there was more.
When Bill announced he was going to run for the senate, Barbara's exclamation of horror was somewhat diminished by her words: "Good gravy!" Now, you have to love these words. Don't you agree "good gravy" has a more lyrical tone to it than the blasphemous expression?
And doesn't "sugar hitting the fan" sound a lot sweeter than the original?
It wouldn't hurt us to take a look at our Mormon friends as an excellent example of how to curse without using foul language.
I wouldn't recommend the poisoning, suffocating or strangling bits but good gravy; I think I'm going to change my curse words from now on. At least before the sugar hits the fan.