Venus is Fallon Hudson
There is nothing graceful about stacking it and falling down a flight of stairs.
The reason for the plunge was a beautiful pair of Tony Bianco emerald green stilettos.
After I peeled myself off the floor at the bottom of the stairs, the only thing I was thinking about was that my heels survived the fall.
I loved these heels.
In fact, like most women, beautiful shoes have become a habit we just can't kick.
For weeks I was covered in bruises from the top of my thigh to my ankle.
I was one of the lucky ones not to break a bone.
For the rest of the night I had this weird twitch all down one side, like I had ants crawling up and down my skinny jeans.
According to a recent report, New South Wales paramedics have seen a rise in 000 calls by women suffering ankle fractures, dislocated knees, head injuries and broken wrists caused by falling from their high, high heels.
It is a horrible combination of high heels and short dresses especially when you have a bit of a tumble, which can lead to accidents, like breaking a leg or someone losing their sight.
Coming from someone who is a bit of a klutz, most of the time, when it comes to heels, have a bit of a practice walking around the house, before you step out.
Mars is Zane Jackson
I was going to have a dig at women for their strange fixation on shoes, but then I remembered something.
In primary school all the boys wanted the holy grail of footwear - Nike Air Jordans.
Blokes keep it to a bare minimum - a pair of runners, work boots or shoes and maybe a good pair of well kept leather ones for good occasions.
Australians would have more money in their household budget if women kept to that number of shoes. But they don't.
We've all seen, in our own homes or at friends and families, shoe racks or cupboards stacked mountain high with heels, flats and all the other names the fairer sex give to their shoe styles.
For us blokes, that one good pair of leather shoes will see us through any occasion.
Females need a vast myriad of shoes with a spectrum of colours.
But we can't begrudge them having a collection of high heels, because for us guys they provide great entertainment.
On one hand, heels can enhance a good pair of legs and look dead sexy.
On the other hand, with alcohol or uneven surfaces thrown into the mix, they can provide good spectacle when women battle gravity to stay upright.