SIT UP straight and pay attention - this week we are talking money and measurement with a couple of great leaps forward in both areas.
This week saw the launch of the slippery new half invisible $5 note complete with ageless queen and holograms.
A big deal for some but not for me as I have been living with completely invisible money for most of my working life.
Every two weeks I get paid, apparently, and the money disappears straight away.
The numbers on the bank statement indicate some form of financial activity has taken place but no actual money remains in my vicinity or about my person.
However all indications are that shareholders in my bank, my internet service provider, insurance company and various fuel companies are doing very well indeed, which is heart warming.
But big news this month is the discovery of a new quantum of measurement- the swamp.
This did not happen at the the Large Hadron Collider at CERN's accelerator complex near Geneva in Switzerland. It was instead discovered by Pauline Hanson in the Australian senate in Canberra.
For instance- here in the active wear capital of Australia we are being 'swamped' by people in Spandex, either performing ostentatious yoga or riding expensive push bikes.
We may all soon be swamped in marriage equality.
Our council is now officially swamped by Greens and according to Senator Hanson, Australia as a whole is being swamped by Muslims.
This swamping is news to me given Muslims make up just 2.2% of the population.
They are being out-swamped by the Buddhists currently sitting on 2.5%.
These existential threats are also being amplified by all the climate scientists swamping us with non-impirical data.
Which is everybody's least favourite kind of data.
But to wax empirical for a moment, the basic unit of the swamp is the 'too many' with the multiplier being the ever popular 'reckon'.
So Australia, if you reckon there are too many of something then we are obviously getting swamped by it. And it all has to go back to where it came from, especially the Spandex.
The problem with the swamp is that unlike the God particle they are looking for at the Hadron Collider, which will explain the nature of our very being, the Swamp may only be a method of measuring the depth of a politicians's ignorance.
So on the upside, the swamp is working already.
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